JUST BE YOURSELF

Hey friends! Decided to blog about something more serious today - about observation, finding yourself, improving and still being yourself, etc etc.

I've always identified myself as an extrovert, i am (kind of) loud, opinionated and seldom politically correct. Many a times, i say things i don't mean and what i say may sometimes just be things i feel in the spur of the moment, etc, often said without any intention to hurt whatsoever. Sometimes i get into a word vomit, and refuse to let anyone say anything and it also (occasionally) slips my mind that they are human and may have something that they want to say as well. The above mentioned still happens, but i am trying to minimize it and i would like to think that i am succeeding, especially in the latter. I stay silent more, and often offer to allow the other speak to speak first before I do - often playing a complementary role and also providing a listening ear. I know they appreciate it. This is especially so because M is in army now and the last thing he needs is to listen and be at the command of another individual now, out of camp. I can only imagine how that will make him feel...

However, i still struggle with being loud, (aggressively) opinionated and (unapologetic-ally) offensive. This especially happens when i feel strongly about a certain topic and feels that the other party makes 0 sense, something which self-righteous and Jesus-needing Jean often feels... I guess this makes people somewhat upset and embarrassed? - something which i never intended for them to feel cause I honestly only wanted my opinion to be put across and for them to see things from my (what i think is correct) POV. I try to stay silent, be quiet, less opinionated, more understanding, I TRY! But sometimes i still fall back into my old (bad) self :( I'm learning, and i will continue learning. Being patient, kind and understanding is a good trait to have and i will cultivate it, as a personal challenge to myself.

No, I am not saying that i'll stay quiet to what i believe in / moral issues. But I will allow people to express (and allow myself to ((attempt)) to understand) where they are coming from. Accepting it when there are merits, discarding and put forth otherwise when there isn't. I am learning to think more, and to speak less. Listening is a quality to build. Patience and understanding is a trait others take a lifetime to cultivate.

So.. This is a New and Improved Jean - still myself. Just better. 

PS: Nothing dramatic or bad happened which led to this post, just a lot of self-reflection. This would happen to you too when you're trapped in your work place for a 9 hour shift and there hasn't been anyone coming in since 2 hours ago. 

Peace X