Nostalgic morning

Been putting dcfc/coldplay/kodaline on loop for the past half hour or so and i am feeling terribly nostalgic, slightly anxious and also an awful lot of sadness. I have been trying to be in touch with myself lately, i always catch myself thinking "I want to write something!" or, "I want to say something!" I have not felt this opinionated nor open about my opinions like this in a very long time. There are both pros and cons to this I suppose - you get to make your opinions known and may also (in my case) create a new found problem for yourself, where you find it difficult to reconcile and find a closure for yourself. 

I never have thought of myself as someone that would ever want to conform to what society expects of me. This is because the fear of mediocrity chills me to the bones and the fear of being substandard and uniform makes me sick in the gut. I want to stand out, i want to be different. I want to be "the weird one that made it". That is, however, beside the point of what i want to write about today. I want to write about closures. I want to write about endings. I've just read a blog post of one of the bloggers i periodically read about; she has just recently lost a friend. Well, i believe that something like death is a loss creates an ache that never quite really heals. I love the analogy about how a dancer never really never ever feel the pain of their first injury, but merely learn how to dance through the soreness, and taking it as part of what they feel in a dance. I fully, thoroughly agree with that. I've lost some of my loved ones at, i would say, quite a young age and that is something i never think about too much because i simply do not find a reason to. The idea of death makes me sick because i do not know what comes after that - being a christian, however, i do believe in the notion of heaven and hell but the question is : will you be able to meet your loved ones back there? What about the relationships that you've forged on your time on earth?
For me, i have a lot of love to give and hence have forged many precious relationships with friends and also my beloved M. Am i going to lose all of that when i die? If so, what is the reason for all of that even in this world? I rather be in solitude and get hit with the hurt of loneliness on my time here, than be speared for the hurt and sadness that i am not going to be able to continue having a piece of these relationships in the afterlife. Another theory puts forth, it doesn't matter if you remember these relationships because you would be so in awe of heaven that all these take a back seat. This then brings the question today - closure. So... if that theory is accurate, are the people left on earth after one passes grieving for nothing? Hoping for nothing? This makes my heart feels like it is broken to a thousand pieces because now, now i feel that life is all a sick joke because we are all here to play a certain role in the lives of the people we meet. Temporal. No matter how strong the bonds are, no matter how tough the relationships can be. The memories created. Temporal. 

Who's going to watch you die??? IT DOESN'T MATTER. Because you'll forget and seek eternal happiness in the afterlife while your loved ones grieve. Is that quite right?? I don't know. I hope not.

Like flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods, they kill us for their sport. 

TUMBLE

watched a couple of good movies and short films lately and i am on a quest to look for more. it is so difficult to find for good movies in this day and age.. i have no idea why either. or maybe i am not searching hard enough. literally all of the movies i have interest in dates back to 2007 at least.. that's like what? 9 years ago?? 

i watched deadpool the other day though, and it was not too bad! it was an interesting take on the cliche and (growing increasingly) boring topic of "superheroes". even the way the movie was filmed was done in an interesting manner! would recommend you guys to catch it - if you don't get offended by excessive use of vulgarities though. 

just printed some pictures and i am probably gonna stick them in the photo journal that jotham got for me last year during his trip to Japan. going to church later and i've work till 1 am :( and i have internship tmr which starts at 830am :( jesus pls give me the strength..........

on a side note, i have started using tumblr again! follow me on there if you wanna :-) glitterpukez.tumblr.com (i was sec 2)
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Valentines day & Internship

hello guys!! last week has been pretty eventful and fun filled :-) 

on 14 fb 2016, M and i celebrated valentine's day together in the most non conventional way (to us).. we met at town and walked around for a bit. attempted to do book shopping but we didn't get anything in the end because 

1. there were so many books to choose from that idk what to get

and more importantly, 

2. i left my KINO vouchers at home :( 

so we just did a bit of window shopping headed to clarke quay after! we planned to have an early dinner and head over to a bar for drinks to watch the Arsenal V Leicester city game that night and that was what we did. Along the way, we took some pictures of sights and scenes at the clarke quay area, and M also attempted to take some hype-beast-esque pictures. 

(M is such a dear) 

we settled for dinner at TCC - one of our to-go places. we always go to the outlet near muhammad sultan because it is always relatively quiet, and the staff are really nice too! the ambiance is also much more peaceful, possibly because it is located at a secluded corner along the stretch. we ordered the above appetizers, some calamari rings that were called "calamari vodka" ?!? but tasted nothing like it, sweet and sour wings (not sure what they are really called) and some mushroom thing that we always have!! it amounted to $26++ which was quite a steal.

for our mains, which i unfortunately do not have pictures for because M was growing increasingly annoyed that i kept taking pictures... i had a wagyu beef ball baked rice while M had the crayfish pasta. both were really good! the beef ball was super flavorful and tcc was really generous with the crayfish. i enjoyed both dishes! pity that M is not a fan of meat balls though :( 

headed to a bar afterwards! we initially wanted to go to Harry's, however, i decided against it because i expected the drinks to be really expensive. we did not even have to look for another bar because we chanced upon one that seemed quite nice + bonus for a man who was wearing an arsenal jersey. the prices were really good - we paid for 3 cups of half pints for $15?! we also got spam fries.. it is my virgin experience of that and it was nothing special. in its defence, M said that it does not usually taste ~that way~ and it should taste better! we are going to try the one that Ice Cold soon i suppose, apparently it is the nicest that M has tried! 

all in all, valentines day was really awesome for me! to top the day off, Arsenal won and it was also one of the best matches of the EPL! i love you, M. 

the next day, i went for an internship meeting because i had the opportunity to attend a court hearing the next day! it was a good experience - the 2 days i was there. i was a little disappointed that the court proceedings ended on the first half of the first day. however, it gave me a more strip-down version to what being a lawyer entail - paper work, calls from clients, photocopying, typing, more paper work, etc etc 

i was initially over the phase of being a lawyer, however, i guess the passionate and genuine nature of the lawyer i am attached to rubbed off me and i think it is a viable option now! i hope i do well enough for my A levels so that it can be an option... excited for my next internship in Feb/March! :)

here are the nitty gritty in my week so far, thanks for reading guys. i'll see you all X

PLATO

i take it upon myself to share good music with you guys
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Feb

Hello online friends! It has been like... 2 months? Since i last wrote on here. OH YES!!! I realized i haven't updated this space since my post-A levels post.. 

Basically, i have been channeling my energy to spending time with M, clubbing (I went twice!!! But it was absolutely an energy drainer..), work, reading, writing, planning and eating. Life has been, as much as i wanna say good, i know it hasn't been. But it's alright!!! It's a new month and with new beginnings, things improve and get better and if they don't, you do. And that is more important.
Shan't dwell and throw a pity party for myself here SO LET'S MOVE ON! 

M and I created a youtube channel in Jan because we wanted to keep track of our adventures, as well as our otherwise mundane lives with each other, which makes it 10/10 enjoyable :) Here is the link if anyone is interested! -->  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX5bfXJl1v3FFkXBtY60WiQ

We still have loads to improve of course!!! The cinematography and all haven't been top notched but hey!! Cut us some slack ok, we are learning :3 Everything is also filmed with a GoPro, which i think contributes a lot to the shakiness of the video, we are thinking of investing in a camera.. I want one too anyway! 

I have also been looking into saving these days. I am extremely inspired by Warren Buffet --- he is rich, happy, charitable, empathetic, forward-looking, etc etc. I can go on and on because he is such an inspiration to me at this moment (!!!) and hence, i am going to embark on an austerity measure that will increase my savings up to an ---undisclosed--- amount by Uni!!! Also hoping that i will get a scholarship so i do not have to get a student loan aka no salary for next 10 years. (i am just exaggerating) ((I know i will manage)) (((Jesus will not allow me to sink)))
Through Jan, I realized the importance of saving and i really want financial stability rn!!! I am going to make my own future, my own keep and i will (CAN) survive!!!!! 

Moving on

I was looking (stalking) some of my IJ friend's facebook just now and i miss SJC so much!! SJC has indeed left me with some of the best memories to date and it has been a place where tears, blood and hatred dripped from my soul (was that too dramatic). 

But yes, from girl-girl crushes/relationships to boob grabbing to police cases..... how can a place like this not be worth remembering? It was an awesome place and for the purposes of nostalgia, i am going to post some pictures on here :B 

THIS WAS LIKE... A TYPICAL DAY IN CLASS? I remember (!!!) We were in the comp lab with aka the most hypocritical and two-faced teacher I've ever met, doing stupid stuff... I believe it must have been beneficial because it was boring and challenging and (if it is not challenging it does not change you) ((thanks jotham)) --> SO i concluded that what we did was beneficial. Must i add that the reason we are doing this in the comp lab is because we terrorized this teacher to bring us to a air-conditioned location because we were baked from the weather. Spent the whole lesson on the floor and i remember Cher also tied my hair... evident in the 4th pic where i seem to showing off the masterpiece. yep. was a fun day. 

RHD'13 i believe? This was with Jel, we were in the ISH toilet (which was out of bounce after PE hours) and we were taking loads of selfies.. many of which i lost because i did not have the good habit of keeping pictures :( I really regret it though because i've taken so many pictures in the whole of my lifetime i think i can make a collection D: So i guess we were hiding in the toilet because what followed after were shouts by some PE teacher asking us to get out and go for assembly (was it?) or was it class.. i am not entirely sure.

After that was a sad episode in my SJC life and we (Cher and i) fell out with Jel and co. The details were blurry and the last time i tried to bring it up (after we patched), i was replied with a "let's not talk about it anymore" so up till today, i have no idea what happened. It is alright though (!!!!) what matters is that we have patched up as h0mi3z 

So Cher and I were always together and i guess we made it work!!! We studied, ate, bitched, chilled together and became the best of friends!!! I think it is so funny that we are so close now because she used to hate me in s1 & s2 because of some other friendship thing, but i've never regretted meeting her because she has sucha heart of gold <3 and she's funny. Anyway, back to the O level period. We bonded a lot because we were there emotionally for each other also.. it was always school -> try to leave ASAP -> Compass bux and fridays would be school -> GARDENS CBTL -> dinner (!!!) and she always paid without complaining when i'm broke :) 

We skipped school many times together too to study and although we got backlash from unforgiving people we just laughed it off because we are Beyonce. We are both at where we want in life now (apart from qualifications and stuff aka talking about r/s aspect la) and i am so happy for Cher! And of course myself :) 

Well, Elizabeth joined us sometimes at our compass adventures but that was seldom :( we hardly talk now but i hope she's doing good wherever she is!!

There was also this compass pt barista that gave us free drinks and food.. I've no idea who he is but he's nice and he thinks i'm pretty!! It made feel flattered at that moment i guess because i even took a picture (and uploaded on insta i think EW @ 16y/o me) but it doesn't even matter now lol what matters is that i think i'm fabulous, and trust me i usually do :) 

Favourite techer!!!!!! .... so much so that i'm uploading this on here even though i look bad. 

I fell in love with his brains the first day I met him!!!!! 

Then there was porm, by then Cher and i haven't patched up with the rest yet so unfortunately, we do not have a group picture together :( Prom was not that fun for me as i always believed that people are really pretentious and nice to you only because it is the last time that they're going to meet you. So it isn't genuine. And i hate/detest/despise non-genuine encounters. Well, got to take nice pictures though so i guess i can't really complain as well :) i realized that i don't even have a digital pic with Cher!!! But at least we had this nice printed out one... SA didn't have those for prom :|

I guess this is the part where i am expected to say something like "well, even though i lost some frineds in SJC I gained some too and they're the ones that will stick w me bla bla", but thankfully, for some reason unknown to myself, Jel texted Cher and I the following CNY (hahaha so funny that i am posting this close to CNY too), to ask for a gathering @ Mrs Freeman's house. We agreed and things started to take root from there and now i can say that we are back to what we were previously and this feels like friends forever 

Wth @ the fact that this is the only decent group pic we have... HAHAHAH

Other random pics that i found: 

When baby cole came to visit!! He is such a big boy now :3 

Eating bread (openly..???) in class and also taking a picture 

First clubbing experience, JK. This was national day 2013 i think, after Shal and I got scolded by killjoy teacher because i was sitting on her back lol

I had so much fun writing this post because i got to look at old pictures (there are many more, but maybe for another time), and thought about past memories. Time flies and i guess it is true when they say that the best things to hold on to in life is each other 

I'll be back, very soon. Promise. 

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