to: you

tall, dark and bearing a golden tan that can serve as the epitome of health and outdoors, a sight
like such would definitely win the attention of many. by hearsay, i realised that you yield no
satisfaction in the consideration that you got. a rare sight, you're nice to the people not as
physically fortunate as you and you do naught to ostracize. admirable, i must say, alluring,
without a doubt. you carry yourself around like someone whom no one would approach, because
of your domineering physique, and your intimidating good looks. i swear i would never forget
the credulousless your eyes held the first day our eyes met. neither would i forget how those
eyes scanned the room for a glimpse of what sparked interest in you, how those things only did
add naught but ambrosial distinction that helped differentiate you from others.

i pale in comparison

is it not humbling a thought that one so beautiful and divine, would be so lack of sedate and call
someone so much unworthy of their praises all but inferior? it baffles me all day that such that
is would be ever realistic. am i too much of a realist? and is it sad that it is hurting my head how
thought provoking an incident like such can be? if all else fails and we never meet, and till our
paths if they ever cross, there is only one which i have to say; that it does not matter if you
know zilch but this, that

you don't know how lovely you are 

love is a dog from hell

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.” 
― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell

for the lack of a better word, updates

It has been long since i last came on this space due to the lack of time as well as the laziness / incompetency that kicks in whenever i try to settle down and write something but with the countable days left to the start of the June holidays i am sure i will be here more often.

Things have been a roller coaster of emotions for the past month but i am glad things are starting to settle down again. i admire the confidence i see in other individuals i dont know why, is it because of the fact that i know i will never be able to be like that? or is it because of the longing that i used to be like such? i want to be able to trust. to be able to realise and feel for once that someone will not hurt me, and even if they do it is not out of consciousness. I am so sorry for always having to put you through whatever i do, but i am more than thankful that you're still here, that you're still sticking around. it is so pathetic that my emotions towards whatever you did is reduced to merely "more than thankful" because i myself cannot comprehend this gratitude that i feel. thank you thank you thank you. I will fight for you, i will thirst and long after all your soul can give and in exchange, i will give you my all. I will not give up and press on till the moment that giving up will cease and never be seen as an option again. i love you that you accept all my flaws and shortcomings and i hate myself that at times, i cannot see past them. I love you i love you i love you. it is so horribly selfish of me to always expect you to be there for me and i do blame you for negligence yet i myself realise and know that i am the one taking you for granted at times. I am so afraid that you will just get sick and tired of this and leave , yet deep in my heart i know you would not? is it sad that i am crying now? i love you so much and i dont think any other person, never any other person will be able to give me what you gave me.

two objects cannot occupy the same place, i am so glad we complement and i pray so so so hard that we would complement all the time and that till eternity, one cannot function without the other

i love you more than this and i feel sad because however much i try to put these feelings into words i cannot and i belittle you and my feels for you. i love you